Regrets
by half-goddess-Katia
Summary: Eiji thinks back on that final day and all the regrets that now haunted him. Spoilers through 47


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kamen Rider OOO, and I am making no money off of this. This is solely for my own and other's entertainment.

**AN:** So, I was watcing Arashi's PV for Dear Snow last night when this idea hit me. It was rather depressing, but my muse wouldn't leave it alone. Hopefully she'll now turn her attention to my other, happier story (and smuttier :3) story for after the series

**Warnings:** Spoilers up through 47. Angst. Mentions of former shonen-ai (Ankh/Eiji naturally)

_**Regrets**_

He still sometimes heard from Hina even though he had taken up traveling again, anything to avoid the memories that now haunted him. She sometimes sent messages along from Chiyoko-san or Shingo-san - Goto-san and Date-san sent their own messages separately - and in every message she asked how he was, almost begged him to come back to the one place he was determined to avoid, to the one place he'd almost considered home.

It had been about a year since the final battle - Eiji had lost track of the exact date, he'd always been prone to while on the road - where _everything_ had ended. He and Ankh had managed to defeat Dr. Maki, and the resulting backlash had also managed to destroy the purple medals in Eiji, leaving him much the way he was before they came along. Unfortunately, the backlash had also had the effect of damaging Ankh's core medal - the one that held his conscience, his _soul_ maybe - even further, and the effect had been irreversible. As they landed, Ankh had barely had time to shoot him one last, indecipherable look before the medal had burst and Ankh had disappeared forever, leaving a confused but unharmed Shingo-san behind.

Hina had explained to them afterwards how Ankh's medals had been damaged, and the blonde had _still_ insisted on coming to help while refusing to tell anyone else of his condition. Eiji had felt anger then - at Maki for causing the damage, at himself for not being there to stop it, at Hina for not telling them sooner, at Ankh because the one time Eiji would've truly wished for the Greeed to be selfish and watch out for his own life, the blonde had instead been too damn self_less_ - and had had no real target for it. Maki was dead, Hina couldn't change the past, and Ankh...Ankh was just _gone_, without even leaving behind anything they could bury in order to find a bit of peace.

So, he'd left, desperate to escape the memories and regrets, to leave behind all the reminders - especially, in some ways, Hina and Shingo because he _knew_ that every time he saw the cop from now on he wouldn't be able to stop himself from thinking of Ankh, and that was far too much for him to handle. Eiji had traveled all across Japan again before moving on, not really caring where he went as long as he might be able to escape the memories, but it didn't work. He kept catching glimpses out of the corner of his eye - of oddly styled blonde hair, of giant red wings, of a familiar scowling face - that would disappear the moment he turned to get a better look, to call out to his missing partner. So, he could never escape his regrets.

His regret for not letting Ankh have more of what he wanted, for not letting the blonde savor the world fully for the short time he'd had human senses. His regret about not being able to find another way of getting rid of the other Ankh, of taking away part of what could've made Ankh whole and, maybe, driving him a bit insane as a consequence. His regret about ever turning against the blonde, never mind the circumstances. His regret for not trusting his instincts before that last battle when they'd screamed at him that something was wrong with the other male. His regret for never telling Ankh _everything_, for never telling the blonde just how much he'd cared about him and how much everything they'd had together had meant to him.

The last was, probably, his biggest regret of all. He'd never told the blonde how much he'd come to care for him, never told Ankh that he was loved for being himself - no matter how bitchy and difficult he could get. He'd never told the blonde that, until he'd come along, Eiji had never really felt content staying in one place, and that because of him, of their memories, Eiji had thought he'd found himself a home - someplace to come back to each time even if he had gone traveling again. He'd never made sure that Ankh knew that, after a while, everything he'd done had, in some way, been fore the blonde. And now? Now, he'd never get the chance to because the blond was gone for good this time, there was no miraculous coming back once another enemy was defeated. The curtain had finally drawn on Ankh's 800 year life.

So, Eiji would continue to travel, to run away from the memories even as he searched for new people he could help with the powers he now had at his fingertips. He would continue to travel and try to ignore the flashes he'd sometimes get, try and forget those first waking moments when it seemed like the last year had simply been a long nightmare and that he'd soon hear Ankh's voice as he called out some order or other or that the blonde was actually beside him, that he simply needed to reach out to touch him before realizing he was gone and then having to remember how to breathe again. He had to try and ignore those moments when he was alone and would turn to speak to the blonde only to realize he wasn't there, that he never would be.

He would bury the memories as deep as he could, try and remember to simply breathe when he couldn't, and carry the regret o his heart, heavier then any load he could carry on his shoulders.


End file.
